Saturday, 27 July 2013

That's it!! Chemo done!

Yesterday was our last dose of chemo!

I have to confess, it was pretty horrible. Adi was tired, her bloods have been low, I guess she sensed something was up, so she cried and struggled. I had to restrain her while the nurse gave her her last dose of vincristine - it doesn't hurt her and she doesn't seem to be affected by sickness, I think she was just trying to control the situation. I find those times very very draining and difficult. But later in the afternoon, she was back to herself, playing, eating and ordering us around. She even sat quietly when we changed her dressing.

So the treatment has finished! Our friends ask us if we are relieved/ happy. I am very relieved and very happy that we are not pouring poison into my little girl. I am looking forward to her bloods recovering and to her feeling better in herself. I hope that means that she will feel better and stop getting suddenly tired in the middle of a game. I hope it means that she will stop being so moody and bad tempered. I hope she will lose some of her anxiety if I leave the room and be able to just relax and play. I hope she will be happy to give other people hugs and kisses, and I hope she will sleep in her own bed. I can't wait for the Hickman line to come out so we can all go swimming together and play in paddling pool and bath without worrying. I can't wait for the Hickman line to come out so I can leave her at nursery without worrying that some terrible accident will happen.

BUT..

At the moment we don't know what the next steps will be. We have an MRI scan booked next Tuesday and we have an appointment to get the results the following Monday. What they decide to do next depends on those results. We have no reason to think that all is not well. She plays nicely, is growing and talking and developing like a normal, bright, opinionated three year old. But we are nervous too, and we will be nervous in 3 months' time when they do the next scan and 3 months after that when they do the next scan and the next one. We have finished the treatment but we live with the knowledge that this cancer can return and with it, all the poison and the fear.

So forgive us if our celebrations are muted. We are happy and relieved but are also exhausted and very, very nervous about the coming months.



2 comments:

  1. Hi I'm Heather! Please email me when you get a chance, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com

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    1. I have emailed you. We're here for any questions :)

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